just a little something that was on my heart to write PART 1

Okay this is VERY LONG so i apologize

I wrote this a little while ago and posted it on facebook but im posting it on here because it is something that God has walked me through and its part of who i am. just a little testimony :)

Just a little something that was on my heart to write,

The day that the group of Masters commission and I came back to Canada from our trip to Mexico, I stayed in Nanaimo for a few nights just to have a few days to soak in everything from our trip, the amazing people we met, God’s love, his teaching and challenges.
My dad placed two books into my hands, but really it was God placing those books into my hands. Quite funny really, he really is a funny God.
Well they’re both John Bevere books, I thank God for this amazing man of God and his wife also. They’re books honestly apart from the Bible have changed and challenged my life!
Lisa’s books on ‘out of control and loving it’ and ‘be angry but don’t blow it’ are books I totally recommend but I’m going off subject so I’ll start back to my story.

All my life, from the moment I can remember as a young child I have allowed intimidation and offence to control my life.
A Big fat problem that I was not aware of.
At the age of 16 I left high school because of intimidation and offences, I also had to leave because everyday I was always ending up being beat to the ground by a bunch of girls. I was fed up and left.

Off to college I went with no qualifications and with a great fear of being hurt and treated badly.
I studied office technology in my first year then in my 2nd year I went to study beauty therapy, I loved the course but hated every minute of being in a class full of girls.

Gossiped ran so ridiculously rampant, and being in a class full of girls you can imagine. As much as I hate saying ‘a class full of girls’ somehow creates and defines what I’m trying to explain, the big bad picture of what girls are not supposed to be like, it breaks my heart.
God definitely does not want his beautiful daughters to be seen and act in this way.

Gossip, Gossip, Gossip, it ruins life, it hurts so many people, it offends people, it’s a horrible device from Satan that so many of us use. It destroys people spiritually and emotionally.

It was a hard year a lot of tears, blood (from waxing of course) and sweat (phew that facial massage was hard work!).
I was almost sure that by the end of my 2nd year I was done, there was no way I wanted to do a 3rd year in beauty, not because I didn’t like the course I loved the course but because I couldn’t handle staying another year with a whole bunch of mean girls.
How sad, the only thing holding me back was intimidation and offence from doing something that I loved to do.
Well it was pretty funny; God is, he told me to go back for the 3rd year.
I almost died! I begged God ‘don’t do this to me, please, please, please don’t do this to me’ and the reply in what I was dreading to hear was, ‘trust me!’
Well my 3rd year of College with a class full of girls was the best year!
These girls were simply so adorable, amazing encouragers, cared for each other, and me and honestly loved everyone. How thankful and blessed was I to have each one of these girls in my life that really touched my heart and stood by me.
None of these girls were Christians but God really showed me how he still works through all people.
Well I can honestly and proudly say no gossip reached my ears or was ever spoken the whole year I was there. That’s so awesome!
These girls understood how evil and how wrong gossip is and how it affects people, we lost a few girls who never came back for the 3rd year simply because they were offended and intimidated and one of them almost being me.
It breaks my heart to hear this, to leave a college course because of people’s careless words.
I knew God had more in-store for me so after college God was calling me to come to Masters commission in Canada.

God amazes me! He transformed me, washed me clean, healed me from my past and made me pure in his eyes. Continually teaches me daily, renews and refreshes my mind.
I truthfully thought there was nothing left he could wash me clean from and renew me in, how prideful and wrong as I.
Well God went out of his way to show me there was more in my heart that I was unaware of.
God will bring things up in your heart that need to be changed, that’s why he’s so awesome!
That exactly what he’s doing in me right now. Getting rid of all the garbage that I didn’t know was there, cause I got so used to the smell.

Often what we don’t realize that most of Satan’s devices are camouflaged and subtle, we don’t often know what we are fighting but we feel its effects of depression, confusion and lack of faith without knowing the root of where its all coming from.
When God placed, ‘breaking intimidation’ and ‘the bait of Satan’ into my hands, he was trying to show me and teach me what needs to be gone in my life.
I can honestly say ‘wow’ to the wisdom and anointing on these books that John Bevere wrote, when I finished the book of ‘breaking intimidation’ by heart was beating so fast I jumped up and down, danced around, felt amazingly free from something that had been a BIG part of my life!
But the best bit is, he’s still not finished. It excites me to know that this is only the beginning of him molding me.

My questions started to unfold, I know God has a plan in my life (he has for all of us), but why can’t I step forward in it.
There’s been so many things holding me back, I felt I wasn’t good enough and God could find someone else to do it.
My mind is thinking about all those people in the bible right now that thought and said the same thing.
The gift of God that he placed into my life remained dormant all these years, because I was intimidated, feared people and received offence constantly.

You’re probably thinking ‘Becka feared people? She’s around people all the time.’
Yep I know, I am a bit of a social butterfly and love being around people constantly! I love Family and love being part of the church Family!
I never used to in my teenage years, I used to shut myself in my room and hide, and I had so much fear. But God broke that off in my life, praise him!!

But how many of us know that God does not want us to fear, fear is not from God and the root of intimidation is fear! And fear cause people to focus on themselves.
Yep! It really does, think about it!
That’s the way I was, ‘me, me, me, focus on me’, ‘why does nobody care, my world is coming to an end, I do all this work and she treats me like that, bla bla bla bla!’ Go eat the can of worms becka, it will shut you up!

Well we all know that’s definitely not Godly attitude, but exactly what Satan wants us to think, he wants us to get our focus off of Jesus and onto ourselves.
Isn’t he tricky and mean? Grr! .

But God is a great God and is teaching us and has given us his amazing word, an amazing opportunity to have a relationship with Jesus Christ and has given us the Holy Spirit to guide us. Often I wonder, how can we fail? Look what God has given us! Look! But we are not perfect we can slip and fall but rise up again!
Satan wants to deceive since he is the master deceiver of course but he’s after us! We make him curl inside when were doing awesome things for the kingdom of God.

Before I came to masters, I would judge a lot of leaders that I knew weren’t living for God yet doing so much ministry in the church, I used to curl and despise the fact that I knew the nightclub I was at the night before, they would be there too doing the same thing that I was. At this time of my life I had literally turned my back on God and the church, I thought every Christian was fake and when I would hear rumors it would make me despise the church even more. So when I was out at the bars knowing that the people In ministry were there too! I hated it.
But now I realize that Satan’s primary targets is the leadership, the leadership of the church!
This blows my mind; to me this makes so much sense!
Being in masters is part of serving the church, reaching out to people, evangelizing, and building relationships. Etc, Satan hates all of what were are doing, so if he can get us to gossip about each other, cause division among us, intimidation and offences to occur, this gets our focus off of what God has called us to do and onto ourselves.
The enemy’s main goal is to distract us and break up leadership.
We made a covenant that our focus and commitment will be on God, What’s Satan’s goal? To break that!
The Holy Spirit constantly pokes me; ‘get your focus off yourself and onto others’

It is important to know our position in leadership, we need to grow as leaders even when we don’t feel like it and we need to continually recognize our inner issues. – Read that again! Recognizing our inner issues, not ignoring them!!!

We cannot ignore them, that’s not change! When we ignore our issues we need to bring them to Jesus, lay our burdens down, and laying our cards down! Being honest and getting right with God.

Lives will not be touched unless you deal with the realities and your issues! I have a little sticky note on my wall to remind me of this everyday!
What a huge responsibility to know that we cannot touch lives if we do not deal with our issues, we need to recognize them, don’t speak to God like a stranger tell him, for he knows already and he can change it!!

I’m gonna say it again and if I wasn’t writing this but speaking it I would sound like a broken record, in leadership it is important to know your position! Leaders! Know your position!

If you don’t know your position, you cannot function properly in the body of Christ and Satan seeks to displace us in order to regain the authority JESUS stripped away from him!
Did you guys get that??

When Satan knocks the keeper of the house (that’s the pastor) out of his position, all those under his care are vulnerable.
Wow what a big big big responsibility!
God appoints Pastor’s, teachers and leaders but when they go against God’s command all those under him are affected, including the congregation of the church.
We need to take the bible seriously when it says: not many of you should presume to be teachers, my brothers, because you know that we who teach will be judged more strictly!!! (I like exclamation marks, it gets the point across!!. See!)


The reason teachers (pastors) are judged more strictly is because of their great impact of their disobedience. They not only hurt themselves but all those placed under their guardianship are.
God forgives them. However, they will still reap what they sow. The enemy is given place!
These are pretty hard words.

The other day my mum phoned me to let me know that a bishop in England whom we attended a conference at his church had a widespread ministry, bible college, huge Christian school, wrote many books. Anyway my mum phoned me to let me know that his ministry has been shut down because he had an affair with the choir director.
In my mind I didn’t think ‘ what a disgusting man, he calls himself a Christian!’ unfortunately I know if I was to respond in the past that would have been my response.
I grieved when I heard this, all I could think about were the people in the church under his authority, I grieved for him also and his family. I prayed and still praying for them.

I know he must still love God but it was probably the moment he stopped fearing God that led to this. But also if you love God you wouldn’t disobey his commands.
It hurts to hear stories like this, but when we do, we need to pray for them because their still our brothers and sisters, we need to still love them and respect that people do mess up and God will judge them not us!

We have seen too many tragedies, especially in ministries. We must not judge or condemn. We need to forgive and reach out to those who have failed.
Matthew 5:8- Jesus said, blessed are the pure heart, for they shall see God”
He did not say, “Blessed are those who have a successful ministry.” He said that without a pure heart you would not see God!

You are a target, the enemy will target you!

What i've noticed lately is that I’m starting to realize more of my weaknesses, and God is molding me but I must know that Satan knows my weaknesses too. The more God teaches me on my weakness the more Satan targets me.

Satan will blatantly try to steal our authority by bringing sin into your life.
Thinking back to the story of the bishop in England, Satan wanted to steal his authority, he has a widespread ministry, and Satan was targeting him.

If you are determined to serve God with all you heart, he will also try to knock you out of your position in Christ through intimidation.

One step that God showed me to break intimidation is that I must confront the matter in my own heart.
Often we think, I’ll just ignore this, and it will go away.
But we need to wake up and realize that what we do not confront will not change!Don’t put it under the carpet! (I hear this to often from Pastor Craig)! – Thank you it’s finally sinked in! haha!